Communication With Others

 Hi and welcome back to another blog! I love the topic for this week and am really excited to share my thoughts! So, let's just get right into it :)

What do you think is the most challenging thing within a marriage? What about relationships in general? If you said communication, you'd be right! But wait, shouldn't communication be one of the easiest things? Well, it should be, but the easier it is to do something (like communicating), the more likely it is you will be lax about it, and it will progressively get worse. Think about it. When you are frustrated with someone, do you expect them to know you are upset and why even if you haven't said anything to them? I am 100% guilty of this. But why is communication so tough? 

There are many reasons why communication is complex. It could be because of the cultural influence you were surrounded by growing up. So, if you were to say, marry someone from a different cultural background, they wouldn't understand that puckering your lips meant you were pointing at something when they thought it meant you wanted a kiss. A lot of the time (mainly for women), emotions can take over and completely blind reason and rationality. You just can't think straight, and you tend to get pretty defensive. This leads me to another point, selfishness. For me, I just assume that my friends and family know me so well that they can read my mind/know what I'm thinking. I get annoyed when they don't know what I'm feeling or thinking, which is completely unfair to them. Everyone has their own way of communicating, but that doesn't mean you get to be selfish, thinking only of your feelings. You should speak so clearly that you cannot be misunderstood by others.

Using words isn't even the biggest form of communication believe it or not! If I were to break it up into different categories, adding up to 100% it would look a little something like this.

Words = 14%

Tone = 35%

Non-Verbal = 51%

Kinda crazy right! Our body language and facial expressions really say a lot about how we are feeling and what we are thinking. The tone of how we say things reminds me of texting. No matter how many emojis, exclamation points, or GIFs we use, people can still misinterpret our messages through the phone because there's no way to text someone the tone of what we are saying. Texting something like, "Hey, you looked really good today!" could be genuine or completely sarcastic and rude. So how can we improve or fix our communication skills?

There are five effective ways of communication. The disarming technique, empathy, inquiry, "I feel" statements, and stroking. The disarming technique is when you find and state the kernel of truth in a statement. An example of this would be someone saying, "You're always late and I'm so sick and tired of waiting for you!" The truth in that statement is that you are late a lot, and this person has a right to be angry with you. You address this truth with them, and it makes the other person feel heard and understood. Empathy includes thoughts (repeating back what the other person has said) and feelings (emotions). Inquiry is just a fancy word for checking another person's understanding of a situation. "I feel" statements are pretty self-explanatory. Stroking is authentically admiring and appreciating the other person you are communicating with.

I promise that using these ways of communicating will drastically improve how you communicate with others. Your relationships will grow, and you will be happier! I'll see you next week!