Culture & Status

 Culture is a way of life. Every family has their own unique beliefs, values, and traditions (culture) within the walls of their homes. It doesn't necessarily matter where people are from, culture can describe the relationships and dynamics within a family. These traditions can be passed down from generation to generation, such as having a game night once a week, or they can be created within minutes. The question is, what is your family culture? 

I've been thinking a lot this week about the family culture I grew up with, and it's honestly been kind of hard to pinpoint the exact way to explain it, but I'm going to try. First of all, each person in my family are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, so our religion played a significant role in our family culture. My siblings and I knew our place and what our parents expected of us. There were clear expectations and rules within the home; if we didn't follow them, there were consequences. We always have supported one another and have been there for each other when we struggled. I felt like, even though I am the youngest, I could go to my siblings for anything, and I knew they would help and not judge me. My parents took on the typical roles you would think of in an ideal family. My mother stayed at home with the kids, while my dad worked, providing for all of us. This absolutely developed a culture in my family where my siblings would lean on my mom more for support and help with things because she was always there. I was and still am completely lenient on my mom, especially with emotional things. 

That's the funny thing, most of the time (even if we don't realize it), we fall back into the same cultural patterns we grew up with, even when we get married and have our own families. One of the biggest takeaways I hope to gain is how to take different aspects of my family culture growing up and incorporate them when I have my own family one day. 

The culture within a family can also be heavily influenced by socioeconomic status. There are a lot of things that can affect what kind of "class" you are in, such as location, appearance, grooming, clothing, behavior/mannerisms, education, and occupation to name a few. 

This week I learned about the difficulties families have immigrating from Mexico to the United States. Most of the time, fathers leave for the U.S. first, to find work and send money home to their families. They expect to only be separated for about six months, but it could last up to even six years. Imagine the changes the family would undergo, with their father gone for six years working in another country. When someone or something changes the family system or culture, it usually forces everyone else in the family to change as well. Now, imagine the rest of the family finally making it to the U.S. and they are reunited with their father/husband. Do you think the family dynamic has changed? These stories are just absolutely heartbreaking but are a sad reality for many. 

I hope you see just how much culture and status affect the family. The purpose of this blog is to help others, and myself, frankly, learn how to raise a happy and beautiful family because that is the most important thing in life. I want to create a culture of love and respect for my family one day. The question you may want to ask yourself is, what kind of culture do you want to create for your own family? 

The Family As a System

Hello everyone and welcome back to my blog!! This week I wanted to talk a little bit about how a family works as a system. A great analogy I learned was how a family can be compared to a car.  For example, the father may be shown as the steering wheel, being in control of the family, making the big decisions, and guiding everyone. Whereas the mother would be the car key, the car (family) wouldn't be able to start or do anything without it. One of the children could be compared to a seat belt, keeping the family members safe and secure. You get the idea. Every person has a role to play in the family, the question is, which role do you play? 

While learning about this, I researched some of the different roles people can play in a family, so I could figure out which role I am in my family. Some examples are the nurturer, peacemaker, black sheep, clown, cheerleader, switchboard (center of information), lost child, thinker, hero, or rescuer, just to name a few. In my family, I am the youngest of six, with three sisters and two brothers. Growing up as the youngest, my siblings would tend to speak for me a lot of the time or just wouldn't pay much attention to my thoughts or ideas. Some of them would call me either "the depressed child" or "the bored child" because I always looked boring or really sad all the time. I think these things played a big factor in why I am "the lost child" in my family. The lost child can be described as the quiet one, the good child, being obedient, flexible, easygoing, fearful to make decisions, a follower, and tends to spend a lot of time alone. This describes how I've always been around my family. Whenever we're together, I tend to just sink into the background, being quiet and listening to others. Either I would do that, or I would go hide in my room because I didn't care for the conversations they were having. It also doesn't help that my closest sibling to my own age is five years older than me. She, as well as the rest of my siblings, all have families of their own, so it's harder for me to relate to them and their situations. I've also always been a follower in my family because I look up to my siblings and I want to be like them. Even though being the lost one has its downsides, I'm grateful to know that my role is important in my family, and it wouldn't function the same without me.

Of course, each family is different and has their unique circumstances, mine is just one of many. For example, the roles in a family would differ in a single-mother household versus a family with two parents running the household. In the single-mother household, the peacemaker of the family would probably need to be the mom if the children were fighting. In the two-parent household, one of the kids could be the peacemaker if, for example, the parents were having an argument. Once someone gains a role within the family, most of the time, the role sticks with them for the rest of their lives. Even when they grow up and leave the home, the family will eventually get back together, and they will pick up the same role as before. Either the family will expect them to act that way or they will just be used to it. 

No matter what the circumstances or dynamic of a family may be, everybody has a part to play in what makes their family work. :)

Large Families...Where Did They Go?

This week, as you might have guessed, I will be talking about the decrease in birth rate over the years and its effects on society. It seems like nowadays the "ideal family" typically has about two or three children. This has dramatically changed from the early 90s and what was known as the "Baby Boomer" era. Back then, a family roughly consisted of three to four kids. What happened? Why have people changed their views toward family and how many it should consist of?

I think the utmost reason people are choosing to have less kids is because of worldly influences and societal norms. I believe the worldly view has become more selfish as the clock moves forward and time continuously passes. In my Family Relations class, we discussed the many different things we've heard from the people around us. Examples like, how you need to figure out who you really are, to "find yourself" before you devote your life to raising a family. How kids can weigh you down and hold you back from achieving dreams and goals in life. This is just the tip of the iceberg, with many more excuses for waiting to have children or even to have none at all, such as: traveling/exploring the world, being financially stable before having kids, or just waiting for the right time to have children. 

Contrary to popular belief, not having children will result in problems in the future economically due to aging populations. If there are no children being born, there will be no one to take over essential jobs or positions when people retire. The future generation, whether we like it or not, will be the ones to take care of us and this world.

For me personally, family is the most important thing and by far the greatest blessing given to me from God. I added a picture here (on the right) of my dear family. I would not be the person I am today without them; they have shaped me into the person I have wanted to become. I never truly knew how much positive influence my family had on me growing up. I've been so lucky to live in a two-parent household, with five older siblings and two parents who love and respect each other. Obviously, no family is perfect, but I really did have the ideal family situation growing up. Now I know that this isn't the case for most people, it's more likely for children to be born into single-parent homes. But the blessings of having a family far outweigh the negatives or "what if's" that could happen. I feel like so many people have forgotten this, have been blinded by social influences, or have just chosen to ignore it. I know I want to have a family of my own one day, not only because of the joy I have felt from my own family experience but also because I know families are a vital part of God's plan for His children. It is my sacred duty to raise children in love and righteousness. God has made it possible that we can be with the ones we love for all of eternity. It breaks my heart how things have changed, and the views of the family have completely flipped. 

Children are our future. It's as simple as that. We need the future generation for the sake of them and us. They give stability, hope, and most importantly, JOY! Of course, having children is a personal choice and probably the most important decision you'll make in your life. I just hope you saw the blessing and pure joy that comes from family while reading some of my thoughts. Whether a family is big or small. See you next week!