The Family As a System

Hello everyone and welcome back to my blog!! This week I wanted to talk a little bit about how a family works as a system. A great analogy I learned was how a family can be compared to a car.  For example, the father may be shown as the steering wheel, being in control of the family, making the big decisions, and guiding everyone. Whereas the mother would be the car key, the car (family) wouldn't be able to start or do anything without it. One of the children could be compared to a seat belt, keeping the family members safe and secure. You get the idea. Every person has a role to play in the family, the question is, which role do you play? 

While learning about this, I researched some of the different roles people can play in a family, so I could figure out which role I am in my family. Some examples are the nurturer, peacemaker, black sheep, clown, cheerleader, switchboard (center of information), lost child, thinker, hero, or rescuer, just to name a few. In my family, I am the youngest of six, with three sisters and two brothers. Growing up as the youngest, my siblings would tend to speak for me a lot of the time or just wouldn't pay much attention to my thoughts or ideas. Some of them would call me either "the depressed child" or "the bored child" because I always looked boring or really sad all the time. I think these things played a big factor in why I am "the lost child" in my family. The lost child can be described as the quiet one, the good child, being obedient, flexible, easygoing, fearful to make decisions, a follower, and tends to spend a lot of time alone. This describes how I've always been around my family. Whenever we're together, I tend to just sink into the background, being quiet and listening to others. Either I would do that, or I would go hide in my room because I didn't care for the conversations they were having. It also doesn't help that my closest sibling to my own age is five years older than me. She, as well as the rest of my siblings, all have families of their own, so it's harder for me to relate to them and their situations. I've also always been a follower in my family because I look up to my siblings and I want to be like them. Even though being the lost one has its downsides, I'm grateful to know that my role is important in my family, and it wouldn't function the same without me.

Of course, each family is different and has their unique circumstances, mine is just one of many. For example, the roles in a family would differ in a single-mother household versus a family with two parents running the household. In the single-mother household, the peacemaker of the family would probably need to be the mom if the children were fighting. In the two-parent household, one of the kids could be the peacemaker if, for example, the parents were having an argument. Once someone gains a role within the family, most of the time, the role sticks with them for the rest of their lives. Even when they grow up and leave the home, the family will eventually get back together, and they will pick up the same role as before. Either the family will expect them to act that way or they will just be used to it. 

No matter what the circumstances or dynamic of a family may be, everybody has a part to play in what makes their family work. :)